Saturday, July 30, 2011

Xander's 1!

I slept in and never made it out to run today. Oh well. But, I got to spend the day outside for a very special birthday party ...

Happy 1st Birthday to the cutest little boy I know!

Come on, mom! I want my cake!


Yea, we're chilling in the pool. You got a problem with that? lol

She may not be my actual aunt, but I still love my Aunt Jessie!
She makes funny noises and lets me do things mom and grandma won't.
[and I love you, little man!]

Aunt Katie loves messing with my hair!

Ah, the life of a birthday boy!
Happy Birthday Alexander Joseph! 
We love you, buddy!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Running gives me a LOT of time to think

First of all, I need to apologize to the few people who do read my blog regularly. I had a serious epiphany last night while I was running (more on that in a bit). I have been seriously whiney lately! Not exactly sure what exactly to blame it on since there are a couple different stressors working on me right now, but I don't like it. I'm always the kind of person who looks ahead for future problems and tries to prevent them from happening, but rarely do I get so caught up in bemoaning the current problems that I didn't forsee (or did and just ignored). Usually I'm just gung-ho in getting $#!@ fixed and moving on.

Epiphany #2 ... yea, I did a LOT of thinking yesterday. My brain kinda hurts now. lol ... I was complaining the other day about how I haven't seen any progress. Good grief I can be blind when I want to be. Every day is progress for me! A year ago on my 24th birthday, I made a promise to myself to get in better shape and just start taking care of myself better. Yes, I could walk from my apartment up to Wildwood and back, but I couldn't run more than 2-3 minutes at a time and I always felt like complete crap afterward. I was so intent on losing weight, but I never really looked at my over-all fitness. Yes, I was a rower in high school, and I was pretty durn strong, but I was never in that great of shape. The idea of me ENJOYING running was something I would have laughed at in the past. My current "sport" WAS my previous sport's punishment! Now, I'm run/walking more than I ever have in my life. The scale may not be reflecting it, but I can feel the difference in my body AND my mind. Running has become an escape for me. It's therapy. I started running, specifically, to get myself in shape to rock a bridesmaid's dress this October, but it's become more for myself and my sanity. I feel twitchy and mentally burnt if I don't run for a couple days. I used to not be able to walk more than 10 minutes without my iPod blaring, and that still holds true when I'm on the treadmill (which is rarely anymore), but now I purposely leave the iPod at home and just go out and enjoy the trails. The sound of my footfalls and water sloshing in my bottle have become their own soundtrack. While I still love my music, I'm enjoying nature's music just as much.

Like I said, I did get in a run yesterday, and it was great. My legs felt fresh since I didn't run the day before, so I parked at Roche de Bout (Farnsworth Metropark) and ran towards the Bend View Metropark overlook. It's almost exactly 3 miles, 1-way, so it's a great run along a gorgeous well-kept trail (I seriously LOVE our Metroparks!). As I run longer distances, I can just run past the overlook further down the trail. Maybe someday I'll be able to run the whole distance down to Providence Dam and back. *big grin*. Anyway, my run towards the overlook started out like pretty much every run I do, a 1/2 mile warmup and then AT LEAST a mile continuous run. After that, I broke down and alternated 1/4 mile walking with 1/2 mile running. It was such a great interval that I did it all the way back from the overlook too (just without the warmup walk and 1-mile run). I kinda of wish I had put on my HRM strap because it would have been interesting to see the fluctuation, but oh well. It was an easy enough run that I was able to do the 6 miles without wanting to die afterwards, but it certainly pushed me. I didn't think it would be that difficult to do that short of an interval. Hahaha. The run TO the overlook took 40:11.29 and the return run took 39:36.98. It surprised me, really. I thought the first run would have been faster because of that continuous 1 mile. *shrugs shoulders* I had a nice cool-down walk up to my favorite little bridge and back. I don't know if the humidity was lower than the weather guys were saying or if I've just started growing accustomed to running in it, but the heat didn't really bother me. I guess the shade and being right along the river helped a bit, but I was comfortable. I kind of smiled when N texted me about how you could "almost chew the air it's so humid". Poor baby. lol.

JB defended his thesis this morning. As happy as I am for him, it bothered me that he defended before me and that he didn't have ANY of the problems I've been having. I've been here 3 years (if you don't count undergrad). I'm ready to finish this sucker and move on. I'm tired of this department, this university, and the glances and whispers (that they think I don't hear). Also, no heart-to-heart with advisor-man, either. I went to scavenge sustenance around the time the committee was debating and by the time I got back, I couldn't find him. That man needs a radio collar. *sigh*

Now, I'm just sitting here working, waiting for lil bro to tell me he's ready to head home. Today is check-in day for the first Freshman Camp (UY ... U Know!) and he wanted to go visit since he wasn't going to be able to be up at Storer with them this weekend. Mom brought him onto campus after his dr's appointment and I said I'd take him home when he's ready since my afternoon schedule is much more flexible than mom's. If I didn't mind stepping on a bunch of toes, I'd be over there too, though most of my mentees are either seniors or they just graduated. It makes me smile knowing that MY campers were my brother's COUNSELORS. All the current upperclassmen UY leadership were trained while I was exec and/or coordinator. It sounds kind of hokey, but I feel like a proud momma!

I guess I should go hunt down some more possible articles for my paper. I still have plenty of printable pages left in the computer lab for this semester and it's cheaper and quicker to print the non-color photo papers here. My ink cartridges at home are low anyway. lol.

Good luck to everyone racing this weekend! Sending good thoughts and extra rest your way!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Where to run?

Yep, I'm procrastinating working on my paper again. I have my lunch in front of me (still hot from the microwave), so I suppose that's acceptable. If not, too dang bad. My mood is such that nobody really wants to deal with me (even if they gave a crap), and I'm ok with that. I need to make a decision to either start working 110% 24/7 on my paper and try to pull it out in the next couple days or just take the stress off and pay the f*#!@ing tuition for 1 fall credit hour. The first option seriously puts my sanity in jeopardy, but the second does serious damage to what's left of my savings, self esteem, and my relationship with my advisor. When you can't really afford, in whatever way, either option, what do you do?

My first instinct, as it has been a LOT lately, is to just go run and let myself calm down. Besides the fact that going for a run isn't going to even remotely help my problem, I don't know where I should run. I acknowledge the fact that I need to stop "worrying" about finding the Metroparks code words, so I'm not going to go way out of my way to run. I had thought about running on campus and the University/Parks Trail, but I just don't feel comfortable running here lately with all the crime going on. I lived on or near campus for 6 years and only felt the slightest bit uneasy a couple times (usually involving walking the neighborhood "behind engineering" late at night), but things have changed. I don't know if it's my perception of the area or things really are the way I see them. Yes, crime has risen a bit, but maybe my discomfort stems from the fact that I don't know the POPULATION around campus like I used to. During undergrad and early grad school, I knew people who lived EVERYWHERE around campus and I knew that if there ever WAS something wrong, I had someplace safe to go. I don't have that feeling of safety anymore. Yes, I could carry pepper spray (and I do have a canister with a clip that I run with occasionally, but that doesn't even seem to help my apprehension. I don't know. I love when campus is quiet during summer semester, but I guess the quiet can be just as (possibly) dangerous as the crowds. I can run trails in the darkest parts of the metroparks and not think twice, but running around campus and the city spooks me. Ugh.

Our advisor and JB are upstairs working on JB's thesis defense for tomorrow morning and I don't know how long that'll take. I really need to talk to advisor-man about what's going on, but just the thought of it makes my stomach twist and my heart rate skyrocket. I've never been nervous to talk to him before, even when the $#!% hit the fans on my data, so I don't know why this is so hard for me. I hate that I'm disappointing him ... and myself.

Rain or no rain ... I'm thinking this afternoon is going to be spent pushing myself through a long run on the towpath trail along the river ... with my iPod to distract me.