Sunday, July 17, 2011

Taking the weekend off.

So, I took the weekend off from running. I had/have a TON to get done around the house, I wasn't sleeping well all week so catching up on that sounded like a good idea, and it turned disgustingly hot and humid ... again.

I've been trying to work on my paper as much as I can, but my attention span is seriously limited and knowing that the deadline is looming so close is stressing me out even more. The more stressed I am, the less efficient I become. It's a vicious cycle of trying to destress, realizing I'm wasting time, and stressing out all over again.

When it gets bad, I force myself to walk away from the computer and go work on other things. After washing all my bedding, I decided I needed to do something about my feather bed. It literally throws up a quarter of its feathers every time I pull the sheets off my bed. I even have a comforter that sits OVER the feather bed and under my fitted sheet to help with containing the feathers. *Sigh* I had been tossing around the idea of a duvet-cover type thing for a while but it kicked into high gear the other night when mom suggested that I just go buy 2 flat sheets and sew them together around it! Of course, as soon as the thought was in my head, I was out the door to the nearest Wal*Mart (Target's selection sucked monkey balls ... which is unusual) and then with a quick stop at my storage unit to pick up my sewing machine (mom's doesn't work ... and yet it sits in the laundry room collecting dust), I was ready to get to work. I ended up using a blue and a sage (green) sheet. I had wanted 2 white or 2 creme sheets, but Wal*Mart's selection was only marginally better than Target's. Plus, I LOVE the shades of those 2 colors and I decided I liked the idea of having a different color on each side. It could make it just a little bit easier to remind myself to flip and rotate it more often. I'm really happy with how it turned out and now I just need to re-make my bed. I didn't get the hand-stitching done early enough last night to reinforce that edge with the sewing machine before I crashed for the night, so I just curled up in my blanket and slept on top of my mattress pad. I was moody over the whole N-didn't-text-me-back-thing anyway, so it worked.

I don't know why I let little things like that bother me. I'm trying so hard to NOT expect anything to happen. I've been hurt enough and I usually try to protect myself, so I don't know why I feel that this time is any different. The only time he's ever given me any indication of the possibility was the night he was being best friends with the bottle. If there isn't anything there, I need to accept it, and get over it.

I haven't made any plans for my birthday. I'll just play it by ear, I guess. I'll probably spend most of the day alone, but that's nothing new. I've learned to accept and enjoy the time on my own. I really should get flowers and stop over at the cemetery, though. I won't ever forget that Kate should have been here celebrating too. I don't visit every year like I did at the beginning, but this is a big one. We are/would be turning 25.

Sean decided he'd had enough of mom and being stuck at home. Since he has to move out of his apartment soon, his friends came to pick him up and they were headed up to Toledo to pack up some of his stuff (and get rid of things Sean wouldn't want mom seeing). They just left about 10 minutes ago. We'll see how much is left to be done (and how big of idiots his roommates were while he wasn't there) when we drive the trailer up later this week to pick up the boxes and furniture. He's moving into a townhouse with another friend of his (and another of my former UY mentees), but they can't move in there for another couple of weeks.

Dad should be home from West Virginia sometime today. I'm hoping sooner rather than later. As soon as Sean and his friends left, mom went into super-cleaning-lady mode and it's already driving me bonkers, hence the reason I'm sitting in my bedroom with my laptop and the door closed. lol. Mom won't change her behavior just because dad is home, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who thinks she goes a bit over the top sometimes. There are times when he can read her mood much better than I can.

Alright, I'm off to make my bed and hopefully re-focus for a couple of hours on my paper ... if I don't curl up on my bed and pass out for a little while. I woke up around 9:30 this morning and I'm already exhausted. Ugh.

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